Summer comes to an end…

We made it through the first week of another school year! What a whirlwind this summer was. I received my foster care license in the middle of May. I had really, REALLY big dreams for this journey. I wanted to take any and every kid who needed a safe place to call home. Well, I had to learn and set some personal boundaries quickly. I soon found out, I may have been biting off more than I could chew.

Soon after becoming licensed, I had been in communication with a local case worker who was trying to reunite a sibling set of three. The siblings had been in three separate homes since coming into care 6 months prior. As a mom of three bio kids, my heart shattered. I could not imagine my kids being separated if something ever were to happen to me. My heart desperately wanted to say yes, but there were a few hang-ups. One, there is ONE daycare in my hometown that accepts state pay, and their waitlist is a mile long just for one opening, I would need three through the summer. Two, as I previously stated I have three bio kids ages 2, 10, and 13, I am a single mom, and we are a VERY active family. We are constantly on the go between church and sports schedules, adding three under 6 to the mix 2 still in diapers was a lot. So, I agreed to a few respite weekends where they’d be united at my house. I wouldn’t need daycare since it was for weekends, and they could be reunited even if just for a bit. It felt like a win-win. So, we had a time and date when I would get my first respite kiddos. I was thrilled, anxious, and unprepared.

And then..

I received my first “call”. It was a phone call from a few counties over (about a 45-minute drive). Two tween siblings had just come into care with their younger siblings. Their siblings had been placed with family, but as is common for older kiddos, they needed somewhere to go. I asked all the “questions” you learn to ask when you get a call. The “What county are they from? How old? Any behavioral concerns? Why did they get taken from their parents?” (This one is important to me because with three kiddos already at home, I want to make sure that if they’ve been exposed to sexual abuse, or things like that I am made aware of it, prior to them coming into my home so that I can set the necessary arrangements in place to make sure everyone is protected to the best of my abilities)

I told her I could take emergency placement of them, but I’d already committed to another family for the weekend, and I could not have both at the same time. She agreed she would find them another placement before Friday, (it was Wednesday). We arranged for her to drop them off to me at church since it was too short of notice to bail out on my commitment to serve in our youth group.

After we got off the phone, I got to thinking, I am totally only set up for ages 0-6, I don’t have big kid sleeping arrangements. I told my kiddos they would be booted out of their rooms and could sleep in the basement for a few nights (as they loved to do during the summer months anyways). They obliged and started to get excited as well.

When they pulled into the church parking lot, I went out to greet them. I don’t know what I was expecting, but kids with a small backpack of clothing that they’d just picked up at a store on the way over was not it. The oldest did have a cell phone, which again, was not on my expectation list. My oldest didn’t have a cell phone yet, and those weren’t rules I was prepared to enforce.

When we got home, I helped them unpack and put away the few items they’d picked up. I made a list of what they needed, underwear that fit, summer attire, more than just a day’s worth of clothing, hygiene items, etc. I made a call to our local fostering closet, called “Fostering by Faith” to see if I could make anappt to bring the kids over and pick out what they needed. This ministry is such a blessing, but that’s for another blog post. The next couple of days went over without too big of hiccups. The only real traumatic event was the eldest’s hand got slammed into my van door by the youngest, an accident they said. We talked about Jesus, we prayed together, I prayed over them, I showed off my trampoline tricks as did they, we laughed together, and shed a few tears together. They told me all about how this wasn’t their first time in care, and they’d been in more foster homes than they could count.

Friday morning came, and I packed up all their new things, and a big bag of snacks for the day, and off to meet the case worker we went. When the boys got in the case worker’s car, I asked her if she’d found another placement for them. She disclosed that she had not, and they’d likely be spending the day with her in the office. Cue the tears. I was not prepared to hear that answer. I bit my trembling lip as I waved goodbye, and around the corner, I hid, as I bawled my eyes out. Sending them off not knowing what their future held was far too much for me to handle.

But I didn’t have much time to dwell on it, as I was at work, and as soon as I got off work, I’d have to welcome three more into my home for the weekend. This set of three was different. They’d already been in foster homes for a few months, and they came with what they needed and then some. They were well cared for, established routines, and genuinely great kiddos. We had a great weekend together. It was the middle’s birthday, and their favorite show was Paw Patrol, (I didn’t know it was his birthday till the night before) I texted my sister and told her I needed a Paw Patrol cake, STAT. She made an awesome cake, and we planned a small family party that next evening. We had a blast!

The next couple of weeks went by, and I received one or two calls, but without any available daycare, I couldn’t take any long-term placements. Then I received a call again for a set of three from a county over. They’d just come into care, and they wanted to keep them together. I was hopeful that this time I could find a daycare spot for them, but if I couldn’t I wouldn’t be able to keep them through the following week. The thing about daycare is, that I have a 45-minute commute for work, so I could take them to ANY daycare with openings in that path. I got to work making calls to any and all local daycare providers. I found one opening for the youngest in the town I worked in. It was a Thursday, so I knew I could take the Friday off, and get everyone settled in, and seen by the Dr etc.

On my way home from work, I met their caseworker in a grocery store parking lot. The kids came with nothing. One was in a diaper and a shirt two sizes too big. Two had no shoes. I tried to hold in my shock. I made a call to Fostering by Faith once again. In addition, I placed an online clothing order with three outfits, a pair of pajamas and a swimsuit for each kiddo. When we got home, I realized I still hadn’t placed my grocery order for the week. I made a plea to “my village” and thankfully my amazing friend said DON’T worry, I got you. She placed an order for pick up and just like that we had a house full of kids and food. The kiddos and my kiddos all got along well. I made an appt for the next day at our local Drs of’s office (It’s mandatory for kids coming in to care to be seen by a physician within 24 hours). The evening was rough. they had no routines, bedtime was a nightmare, the youngest was an escape artist and had to be watched like a hawk every second. I got no sleep, nervous the youngest would wake up and make a run for it. I had laid in bed and talked to the oldest for an hour or more about all the fears and trauma they’d endured over the last few weeks (This was not information I was inquiring about but she needed to talk about it she said). I prayed with her and assured her that our home had nothing to fear because it was covered by the blood of Jesus. She had no knowledge of Jesus and had not heard of Him. I explained who Jesus was, and shared with her that he was there with us. Protecting us and keeping us safe. She asked if Jesus could protect her mommy and us at the same time, and I assured her He could. We prayed over her mom and for her dad’s heart. We prayed until she fell asleep.

Friday, I dragged all three of them to their appt, when I realized I still didn’t have the placement letter the caseworker was supposed to send me which A) gave authority for me to have the kids in my care and make decisions for them, and B) had their insurance numbers. So I made a phone call, she emailed it to me and I received it JUST in time. I brought plenty of things to entertain them while we waited in the lobby, and then… the receptionist said, “I am so sorry, but they do not have the right type of insurance to be seen here.” I said, “What do you mean? I called and verified you accepted state care kiddos when I made their appt.” I’m ashamed to admit it, but I burst into tears. The mental, physical, and emotional toll the last 24 hours had already taken on me was a lot. So I packed the three of them up and took them home to be ready for their case worker to visit (also required in the first 24 hours). When she came she asked how things were going and I was pretty blunt. I told her I could keep them through the weekend, but I hadn’t yet found daycare for the other two. She told me I’d have to give two week’s notice for a new placement. I told her there must have been a miscommunication because I had already stated if I couldn’t find daycare for them this would just be an emergency through the weekend. She said an emergency could last up to 30 days… My head started spinning. I thought, how the heck as a single mom can I keep three extra kiddos for 30 days? I told her I’d already taken off work to get all of their initial appts done and that was a giant failure. I could sense her desperation, and I’m sure she could sense my frustration. I get it. I was failing. I set out to make a difference and I was falling flat on my face and leaving them in a seemingly impossible position. She asked if I could keep them for a few more days.. I said I could but would need a placement for them by Sunday night or Monday morning. Well.. Monday was apparently a government holiday. So, on Monday, I took the youngest to daycare and paid to have the older two watched by a friend. Then took two of the three to the Dr. (all they had time for that day). Tuesday morning took the third to the Dr (by the third I mean I took all three both times, but only two could be seen then one the next day, you get it), then the youngest to daycare, and the two oldest to the friend’s house. Finally, I heard they had a placement arranged, and they would meet me Wednesday morning on my way to work. This goodbye was much easier. I knew they were staying together and going to a home that was ready and prepared to keep them for the long haul.

So where did this leave me in the journey? I was honestly ready to throw in the towel. Realizing I’d bit off far more than I could chew, I knew God was calling me to do this, but maybe, He’d made a mistake. Maybe He forgot I was a single mom with a million reasons it wouldn’t work. Or maybe, just maybe I needed to rely more on Him, and less on me. Stay tuned to see what’s happening now.